"She Judged Me" A Grocery Store Lesson On Curiousity

Written By Bart Berkey | Most People Don't

I’ve chatted with thousands of strangers, but this was a first.

At a grocery store, a woman looked me in the eye and said,

“I judged you.”

A few people were ahead of me in line.

One of the shoppers at the register had the coolest, longest locs I’d seen in a long time, truly a work of art.

By total coincidence, the cashier also wore their hair in locs, and there was this instant, unspoken connection between them.

They were smiling, chatting easily:

“How long have you been growing yours?”

“Have you ever cut them?”

I complimented both of them, I said "I wished I could grow them", she laughed since my lack of hair doesn’t exactly make that possible.

Next, I shared how a friend of mine used to say that swimming with locs made him feel like he was carrying weights.

This led to the customer in line telling me about a time she cut nine inches off, because she wanted to release bad energy and old memories.

She said it made her feel lighter.

I told her about a bracelet my wife gave me that’s meant to protect against negative energy.

Whether it works or not doesn’t really matter, it makes me feel better.

She smiled and said the same about her locs.

When our conversation ended, she looked me straight in the eyes and said,

“I really enjoyed our conversation, I didn’t expect it."

"I judged you".

She confessed that "she wasn’t expecting someone like me, middle-aged, wearing stereotypical business casual clothes, to talk about positive energy, vibes and locs."

Her comment surprised me.

Typically we judge in silence, don't we?

I consciously try not to judge.

I talk to a lot of people when I work remotely, when I travel, when I run errands.

Am I 100% in compliance, no.

But I strive for it, I do my best.

By being curious, and deliberately being open to conversation, I learn a lot about human behavior.

Just by running a simple errand, I learned an important lesson.

Even if you don’t judge, others may judge you.

This lesson caused me to pause and deliberate, and I'm still thinking about it as I write this.

Judgment shows up everywhere, at work, at home, often hiding in plain sight and running on autopilot.

Research proves that it takes just a tenth of a second for someone to form a first impression.

What's more surprising?

These lightning-fast judgements tend to stick, no matter what comes after. (Source: Psychological Science)

But curiosity disarms judgment

When we lean in with curiosity.

Something powerful happens:

• People soften
• Conversations often reveal opportunities
• Trust builds

Why are we wired this way?

As psychologist Dr. Leslie Zebrowitz explains, "We make snap judgments because our brains are wired to seek safety, but real connection: and opportunity: happens when we move past those first impressions."

Here’s where my Most People Don’t® philosophy kicks in.

• Most People Don’t pause to get curious
• Most People Don’t Challenge Their Knee-Jerk reactions
• Most People Judge and move on, when maybe it would be better to dig in deeper

But when you choose curiousity?

Human excellence springs into action.

That’s where the magic (and business results) thrive!

Openness helps us move past our brains’ default snap judgments.

Instead of relying on old mental shortcuts, we invite new information and create REAL understanding, which is crucial in leadership and life.

When you show someone you’re curious (not just polite), it disarms their guard.

Most People like to talk about themselves, have you realized this yet?

They love to feel seen, heard, & valued.

An authentic act of curiosity often leads to opportunities and possibilities, it's truly transformational.

Curiousity Attracts Opportunities.

When you are curious, and ask the right questions, you will find that people share more.

More ideas

More networking opportunities

More referrals

Often leading to Business Magic and Breakthroughs

Leaders who are open inspire teams to be curious, to speak up, share solutions and suggestions such as "what if we try it this way?"

Your company culture will be infused with innovation, growth, leading to a positive trajectory to exceed goal and ROI.

Research even shows that those who approach life with curiosity and connection experience better mental health, richer networks, and higher performance.

I realize that my simple compliment led to a conversation about energy, emotion, and connection.

My compliment was the spark that indicated that I was open to communication, open to a conversation.

Instead of simply standing in a checking out line at a grocery store, paying my bill and leaving, my compliment ignited this conversation journey and hopefully this information will help you.

I experienced a similar interaction at a recent event.

During a reception, a woman literally turned her back to me, and I overheard her whispering to her group, “He’s just the "AV Guy”

I wondered if she jumped to this conclusion since I was wearing all black and setting up my recording system.

It made me smile and I let her know that I didn't mean to listen to their conversation, but

I wasn't actually the "AV Guy", she apologized, after she heard that I was the Keynote Speaker.

This also made me think about how I sometimes make snap judgements, as I believe most of us do from time-to-time.

I've also made snap judgements, positive and negative, that I tried to logically tell myself not to believe.

Sometimes you a person can prove you wrong, and sometimes no matter how often you try to convince yourself that the judgement is different you can't.

Has that ever happened to you?

Being open can changed everything.

How can you apply this to your day-to-day living and during your work day?

• Do your best not to judge
  You never know someone’s story, or their impact.
• Recognize that others may judge you, it happens everyday
  This human nature. It's not actually about you, it's about the person's perception of the world , according to their term abd standards.
• Lead with openness
  A kind word, a curious question, or a moment of vulnerability can turn a stranger into a connection.
• Be yourself
  Despite popular belief, you are the most important person in your life. Allowing these impromptu conversations to be a chance to expand the world a little more.

You can meet extraordinary people anywhere, by signally that you are open to a conversation.

I've found that when you stay open, others often open right back, which can be very beneficial for networking as well as forming camaraderie and strong working relationships in your career.

Ready to help your team master the art of real connection in 2026?

I bring these human insights to life in every keynote and training session. Reach out to our team to explore how we can elevate your next event! Most People Don't

For More Inspiration:

🎧 Listen to This Week’s Episode #205: "No Compromise Fun”: How Alex Koster, Vice President of Global Revenue at F1® Arcade, Is Redefining Play and For All The Marbles, in partnership with Marblism Episode #1, with Doug Baarman, Conference Direct

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