Tell Me More, Why Most People Don't Ask...(and Why You Should)

Written By Bart Berkey | Most People Don't

Most People say they want deeper conversations.
Most People say they want more meaningful relationships.
Most People say they want greater success at work and in sales.
Most People say they want better connection with clients, coworkers, friends, even family.

And yet…
 

Most people Don’t ask questions.

They share. They talk.
But they don’t ask.
Not the real questions.

Not asking questions that are meaningful and lead to strong relationships.

A friend told me recently about a dinner party he attended with his wife.

Beautiful home. Great food. Warm atmosphere.

On the drive home, he asked her:

“Did anyone ask you anything about YOU tonight?”

She answered this question quickly,

“No.”

This couple reflected on their evening and the many conversations they each had. They both realized that they dedicated their time to deliberately asking the other guests thoughtful questions, making people feel included and seen.

For some people asking questions is natural, effortless, easy.

For others, asking questions seems uncomfortable, difficult, or maybe even impossible.
On this particular night it dawned on this couple, that no one asked them a single question.

Not: “How is business? How is your family? Tell me about yourself?”

Not: “What’s new in your world lately?”

Not even: “How have you been? Have you been traveling? Have you been to a game or a concert lately?”

During my 35 year career as a Global Executive in the Hospitality Industry, I've actually noticed that Most People Don't ask me questions. It actually bothers me.
 

I've learned though, that it's actually not because people are being rude, although I did believe this for a long time.

Why then?

Is it because asking makes Most People feel uncomfortable. Does it feel risky?

Just yesterday, I asked a group of salespeople attending a training class that I was conducting.

Why do you not ask questions?

One of them said:

“I don’t want to make others uncomfortable or ask them something they might not want to tell me.”

Maybe.

It's possible, but....

I challenge this.

Be Curious. It yields powerful results.
It leads to better outcomes.

I did research and found the Top 3 Reasons Most People Don’t ask questions.

1. Fear of what might come out.

If I ask…
“What if they share something heavy?”
“What if I can’t help?”
“What if it gets emotional?”

But connection doesn’t require solving.
Only presence.

2. Perceived Lack of Personal Gain, Most People focus on benefiting themselves.

If you don't ask, you actually silence curiosity.
You block better outcomes.

Not asking can get in your way.
It's an invisible obstacle.

Some People seem to worry more about sounding smart rather than being interested. (Personal Gain)

3. Underestimating The Power of Asking Sincere Questions.

Most People want to be seen, they like talking about themselves and telling you about their accomplishments, family, hobbies, & interests.

By not asking questions, what is the cost/benefit?

Some People think they are being polite by “staying surface-level"

But the reality?

People want to be asked.

Most People typically want to share.
Most People want to be known, heard & acknowledged.

It feels great when someone looks you in the eye and asks you about you.

You are important, included, safe, appreciated. You are doing great.

Yet few people choose not to ask about others.

It is a choice you know.

You either "do" or you "don't."

My question to you is not only Why?

It's also Why Not?

Where This Shows Up (Everywhere!)

Not just in sales.
Not just in business.

In marriages.
Friendships.
Parenting.
Work teams.
Travel.
Text messages.
Dinner tables.
Trade show floors.
Everywhere humans interact.

Asking is how you will move from “movement” to “meaning.”

Movement = transactional.
Meaning = emotional.

Movement = “What dates do you need?”
Meaning = “What would success feel like for you?”

Movement = “I want to book this group, buy this car, rent this space, buy this house?”
Meaning = “Tell me more". What are you hoping to accomplish? Why?

And when you ask people how they want to feel by making a purchase, whether it's for work or for themselves personally:

These are the Top Answers:

I want to be heard

I want to be supported

I want to feel proud

I want to feel relaxed

I want to feel seen

When you ask, everything changes.

The Power of these Three Words: “Tell Me More”

In one of my talks, I shared the story of a student named Ben.

At the end of a presentation, I said to the audience:

“If you ever need to hear it again, text me and I will remind you: You’re doing great.”

Minutes later, a message came through:

“Will you tell me one more time?”

Ben didn’t hear encouragement at home.
He got picked on at school.
He felt invisible.

So I told him again.
And again.
And again , through photos, notes, reminders, moments from trips, sunsets, hotel rooms, life.

He eventually stopped replying, and it worried me.
I called his school.
They told me:

“We know exactly who Ben is. And he’s safe. Thank you for caring.”

Those three words, "Tell Me More"
And those four words, You’re Doing Great

Have the power to lift someone’s entire week…
or rescue their hope.

The world is full of "Bens".
Adults. Kids. Coworkers. Clients. Family.

People who are quietly hoping someone will care enough to ask:

“Tell me more.”

Start Asking Questions Today.
Then ask a few more this week, and a few more next month.

Simply ask someone a question, a conversation starter.

It will lead to a more meaningful conversation.

Not to pry.
Not to push.
Not to interrogate.

But to invite opportunities of business, friendship, community, any type of relationship that is important to you.

Try any of these:

• “What’s been on your mind lately?”
• “What would make this feel easier for you?”
• “What would make today a win?”
• “What are you most proud of right now?”
• “Tell me more about that.”

Because the best way to create connection in sales and in life is not by talking.

It’s by caring enough to ask.

Why you should,

You will create more relationships that matter.

You will enjoy more meaningful conversations.

You will build trust with your clients & prospects.

You will create an emotional connection.

You will build loyalty and create moments that people will remember.

Most people don’t ask.
Most people don’t listen deeply.
Most people don’t give someone else a moment to feel important.

But YOU can.

This week, don’t just talk. Ask.

Listen.

And when someone shares something real…

Pause.

Look them in the eye & say, “Tell me more.”

For More Inspiration:

🎧 Listen to This Week’s Podcast Episodes:

1. Most People Don't...but YOU Do!

2. For All The Marbles, In Partnership with Marblism

Episode #5 What Happens When You Can Taste Your Favorite Song? Alex Sechopoulos with Mixly USA

Live with Greater Impact.

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